When I was married all those years, I said it was just another day. And he always sent me flowers, or got a card or at least said Happy Valentine's Day to me. And I always said thank you, and I appreciated the things that were done, really, I did, but I see that when the tables are turned, it's not really as OK as what I thought it would be, without having someone that you know (or think you know)who loves you with all of their heart and soul and wants to spoil you and take care of you and hug you and squeeze you and call you theirs, most especially on this day of the year.
Last year, my first Valentine's Day alone, I was really alone. Sitting at home, not listening to anything, not watching anything, just sort of sitting and thinking about how I was all alone, and how no one remembered or cared that I was all alone...having a pity party of sorts,feeling all kinds of sorry for myself. I was really into this party, really going strong with the thoughts and the feeling bad about who I was and where I was in life, and then it happened. My door opened, just a tad, and in the tad bit of openness of the door, a hand was thrust through the crack and in that hand was a large bouquet of the hugest buttercups I had ever seen....in the hand of the boy who brings me up whenever I need to be brought up. "Here, mom, I found these for you today and wanted to bring them to you...I knew you would love them.....happy Valentines day!!!" I called them the miracle flowers, the flowers that God sent me, for it was far to early still to have buttercups, but lo and behold, my son had done just that. Faith in the day, restored, smile on his mom's face, his job was complete. I said that God sent me those flowers, through my son, as a promise to me that he had not forgotten me during that time.
This year, I see that I am in yet another boat of difference, and this boat is the boat of like.....of liking one's self. I think this is the most important book or chapter in the series....this is the one where I say you know, in order to fully love and appreciate your self,you have to love who you are.
This year, I do love who I am, and where I am....I love me, who I am, who I have become, and what I stand for. I am thankful for the experiences that have brought me to this day, to who I am, no matter how hurtful and dismal those days and times were. Without them, I simply wouldn't be me! I love that I stand for kind things, for right things, for myself, and for my kids. I love that I am a person who has friends of all sorts, and they keep me as close as I keep them. I love that through the heartache, the depression, the despair, I've always been able to smile, to think on the positive side, and to see the beauty in the world; in my life, and hopefully, help others see that beauty in their own worlds as well. I love that I am a compassionate and caring person, even if by caring I am opened up to being vulnerable; being hurt, or even worse, rejected. I love that even though I am broken, and even though I WANT to have that special someone, I am OK without him, with just myself, and my friends, and my kids....what more could I want, really?
I'm thankful for my outlook this year as opposed to last, that I am seeing the "ups", that I am not sad, depressed, and lonely this day, and that I am making it, on my own, with a little help from my friends, and I am OKAY. After all, if I am not OKAY with where I am, and with who I am, if I don't love me, despite the broken parts, if I don't smile and enjoy life, how do I think I'm going to find someone that will want to do the same???? This year, I will be saying Happy Valentine's Day to Me. To Myself. And to I. And I will repeat it all day long, remembering to be thankful for each and every step that as gotten me to where I am this day that was given to us by our Lord. I will remain cheerful, and full of joy, to glorify His name. I hope that you can do the same!
Happy Valentine's Day, Friends!
